How to Write a Eulogy

Being asked to give a eulogy is an honour, and it can also feel like an enormous weight. You want to do justice to someone you loved, in front of everyone who loved them, at a moment when you may barely be holding yourself together. If you're facing a blank page right now, take a breath. A eulogy doesn't need to be eloquent or comprehensive. It needs to be true, it needs to sound like the person, and it needs to be finished in time. This guide will help you get there.

It covers what a eulogy is (and isn't), how long it should be, how to gather material, a simple structure that works for almost anyone, how to open and close, how to handle humour and faith, how to deliver it when you're emotional, and a complete short example. If you're making the funeral program as well, our guide on how to make a funeral program covers that side.

What a eulogy is – and isn't

A eulogy is a short speech that remembers and honours the person who died. It's personal. It tells the people in the room something true about who the person was, through stories and details, and it helps them grieve together.

A eulogy is not:

• An obituary read aloud. An obituary lists facts – dates, jobs, survivors. A eulogy brings the person to life. You can mention a few facts, but stories matter more.
• A complete biography. You can't cover a whole life in five minutes, and you don't need to. Choose a few themes.
• A sermon. If the service is religious, the officiant usually gives the homily or sermon. The eulogy is about the person.
• The place to settle scores. Even if the relationship was complicated, the eulogy should be honest without being hurtful.

Check the arrangements first

Before you write, ask the family and the officiant:

• How long should it be? Services often have a time limit, especially at crematoria.
• When in the service will it be given? Before or after the readings, before the final commendation, at the reception?
• Are there other speakers? If three people are speaking, coordinate so you don't all tell the same story.
• Are there any rules? Some churches have specific practices. In many Catholic parishes, for example, "words of remembrance" are brief and may take place at the vigil or the reception rather than during Mass. Our Catholic funeral program guide explains this.
• Is there anything the family doesn't want mentioned? An illness, a divorce, an estrangement.

How long should a eulogy be?

Most eulogies run about three to seven minutes. Five minutes is a comfortable target. Most people speak at somewhere around 130 to 150 words a minute when reading aloud carefully, which puts a five-minute eulogy at roughly 650 to 750 words – about one and a half typed pages at a normal size.

If several people are speaking, keep each contribution shorter. If you're the only speaker at a small service, you might go a little longer. Time yourself reading it aloud slowly; emotion makes everyone slower on the day.

Step 1: Gather material

Start by collecting raw material – memories, details, stories – without worrying about structure.

Ask yourself

• What's the first image that comes to mind when you think of them?
• What did they say all the time?
• What were they proud of? What did they love doing?
• What did they teach you, on purpose or by example?
• What was the funniest thing that ever happened with them?
• What will you miss most on an ordinary Tuesday?

Ask others

Call or message a few people from different parts of the person's life – a sibling, an old friend, a colleague, a grandchild. Ask each one: "What's one story about them you'd want people to hear?" You'll often get the best material this way, and it lets the eulogy represent more than your own relationship.

Look for prompts

Photo albums, old letters, emails, voicemails, recipe cards, the notes in the margins of their books, the things on their fridge. Physical objects bring back specific memories.

Write everything down in a list. Don't edit yet.

Step 2: Choose two or three themes

Look at your list. You'll usually see patterns: stories that show the same quality. Perhaps many are about their generosity, their stubbornness, their humour, their faith, their love of the outdoors, their devotion to family.

Pick two or three themes. For each, choose one strong story that shows it. That's the backbone of your eulogy.

For example, for a father:

• Theme: he could fix anything. Story: the time he rebuilt a neighbour's lawnmower from parts at the dump.
• Theme: he showed love by showing up. Story: driving four hours through snow to watch a grandchild's school play.
• Theme: he never stopped teaching. Story: the lessons on changing a tire that every grandchild received at age sixteen.

Step 3: Use a simple structure

A structure keeps you on track and helps listeners follow along.

1. Opening: introduce yourself and your relationship, and set the tone. (30–60 seconds)
2. A brief sketch of the life: a few key facts – where they grew up, family, work – in a sentence or two. (30–60 seconds)
3. Themes and stories: your two or three themes, each illustrated with a story. (2–4 minutes)
4. What they meant: what they leave behind in the people in the room. (30–60 seconds)
5. Closing: a final thought, a farewell, or a line they would have said. (15–30 seconds)

Step 4: Write the opening

Start by saying who you are, since not everyone will know. Then draw people in. A few approaches:

• Start with an image: "When I think of Grandma, I see her at the kitchen window, waving a dish towel at whoever was pulling out of the driveway."
• Start with something they said: "Dad's advice for every situation was the same: 'Measure twice, cut once.' It turns out it applies to more than carpentry."
• Start simply: "My name is Sarah, and Margaret was my mother. I've been trying all week to find a way to describe her, and I keep coming back to one word: steady."

Avoid starting with a dictionary definition or a long quotation from someone else. Your own words will be stronger.

Step 5: Tell the stories

Stories are the heart of a eulogy. A good eulogy story:

• Is specific: a particular day, a particular place, particular words
• Is short: a minute or so
• Shows a quality without you needing to name it at length
• Is one the family is comfortable sharing

After the story, a sentence that links it to the theme is enough: "That was Dad. If you needed him, he came."

Step 6: Say what they meant

Near the end, step back from the stories and speak to what the person leaves behind. This is where you can speak directly about love and loss:

• "She taught every one of us that a full table is a happy table, and I don't think any of us will ever cook for just one person again."
• "He leaves behind four children, eleven grandchildren, and an entire town that knows how to change a tire properly."

Step 7: Close

End with something simple and memorable. Options:

• A direct farewell: "Goodbye, Mom. Thank you for everything."
• Their own words: "As Dad always said when he left a room: 'Drive safe. Text me when you're home.' We will, Dad."
• A short reading or verse, if it fits the tone and the service
• An invitation: "The next time you see a sunset over the lake, think of her. She'd like that."

Using humour

Humour belongs in many eulogies. Laughter in the middle of grief is a release, and it often reflects the person perfectly. A few guidelines:

• Use stories, not jokes. Funny moments from their life work better than one-liners.
• Laugh with them, not at them. The humour should be affectionate.
• Know the room. A story that delights grandchildren may not land with an elderly congregation. If in doubt, try it on a family member first.
• Balance it. Follow a funny story with a sincere sentence, so the eulogy doesn't feel flippant.

Including faith

If the person's faith was central to their life, it belongs in the eulogy – told through specifics, like everything else. "She sang in the choir for forty years and never missed Christmas Eve" is more moving than a general statement. If you're speaking at a service of a faith different from your own, or of no faith, speak about the person rather than about doctrine.

Writing about a complicated relationship

Not every relationship was easy. If you're asked to give a eulogy for someone you had a difficult relationship with, you don't need to pretend otherwise – but the funeral isn't the place to air grievances. Focus on what was true and good, even if it was only part of the picture. "Dad wasn't always easy, but he was always honest" can be truthful and kind at the same time. If you genuinely can't speak with warmth, it's acceptable to decline and suggest someone else.

Eulogies for different relationships

The structure above works for anyone, but the angle shifts with the relationship.

For a parent, you're often speaking for your siblings as well as yourself. Mention them by name, and include at least one story from each of them if you can. Listeners want to hear what the person was like as a parent, but also who they were before they were "Mom" or "Dad" – the young nurse, the soldier, the dance-hall romantic.

For a grandparent, the eulogy often celebrates a long life and a large family. Stories of ordinary rituals – Sunday dinners, summer visits, card games – resonate with everyone who shared them.

For a spouse, speaking at all is an act of great courage. Keep it short if you need to. A few sentences about how you met and what your life together was like are more than enough. Many widows and widowers choose to have someone else read their words.

For a friend, you bring a perspective the family may not have – the person outside the home, at work, on the golf course, in the choir. Share that side, and acknowledge the family directly: "To Linda's family: you should know how often she talked about you."

For a colleague, focus on the person at work – their skill, their generosity to newcomers, the way they made the office better – and keep it shorter, unless you were also close friends.

For a young person, grief is often raw and the audience includes many of their friends. Speak about who they were and what they loved, rather than what they might have become. Short is better. Let their friends' memories carry part of the weight.

Shared and group eulogies

Some families choose to share the eulogy among several people. This can work beautifully if it's planned:

• Divide by theme or chapter of life, not at random – one sibling speaks about childhood, another about work, a grandchild about later years
• Agree on a total time and divide it
• Choose one person to open and close, so the whole has a shape
• Read each other's drafts to avoid repeating the same story

A group eulogy is also a kind option when no single person feels able to speak for long.

Preparing to deliver it

Print it well

• Use a large font – 16 to 18 point – with double line spacing
• Print on one side only, and number the pages
• Mark places to pause with a slash or a new line
• Bring two copies, and give one to someone sitting near the front

Practise aloud

Read it aloud at least three times. You'll find sentences that are hard to say and places where you need to breathe. Time it. Practising also blunts some of the emotion, so you're less likely to be overwhelmed by a particular line on the day.

Plan for emotion

It's normal to cry while giving a eulogy. No one will mind. Practical tips:

• Have water and tissues at the lectern
• If you need to stop, pause, breathe, and continue – people will wait
• Look up at a friendly face rather than at the casket or the family
• Arrange for a back-up reader: someone who has a copy and will step in, or stand beside you, if you can't continue

On the day

• Speak slowly – slower than feels natural
• Look up between paragraphs
• Don't apologise for being emotional
• When you finish, take a moment before returning to your seat

A short example eulogy

My name is Michael, and Bob Hale was my dad.

Dad grew up on a dairy farm outside Xenia, served in the Army, and ran Hale Hardware on Main Street for forty years. Most of you knew him from behind that counter. You came in for one screw and left with the right screw, a better idea, and a story you hadn't asked for.

Dad could fix anything. When the neighbour's lawnmower died, Dad went to the dump, came back with three dead lawnmowers, and built one that worked. It's still running. Nothing in our house was ever thrown away while there was a chance he could save it – including, he would say, his kids.

But the thing I'll remember most is that Dad showed up. When my daughter had the lead in her school play, there was a blizzard. Dad drove four hours through it and sat in the front row in his work boots. He didn't say much afterward. He didn't need to.

And he never stopped teaching. Every one of his grandchildren learned to change a tire in his driveway the week they turned sixteen. He'd stand there with his coffee and say, "Measure twice, cut once – and check the lug nuts." I think that was his whole philosophy of life.

Dad leaves behind Mom, his wife of fifty-six years; three kids; seven grandchildren; a hardware store full of stories; and a town that knows how to change a tire properly.

Dad, every time you left a room, you said, "Drive safe. Text me when you're home." You're home now. We love you.

That example is about 330 words – roughly two and a half minutes. A five-minute eulogy would add one more theme and story.

Common mistakes

• Trying to cover everything. Choose a few themes and go deep.
• Too many inside jokes. Explain or skip stories only a few people will understand.
• Making it about yourself. Your relationship is the lens, but the person is the subject.
• Going far over time. Respect the service schedule and other speakers.
• Reading too fast. Slow down, especially at the end.
• Not practising. Reading it aloud beforehand makes a huge difference.

Including the eulogy in the program

Some families print the eulogist's name in the order of service ("Eulogy – Michael Hale, son"), and some include an excerpt or the full text in the program or as a separate keepsake sheet. If you'd like to share it afterwards, a printed copy is often treasured by those who couldn't attend. For the program itself, see our funeral program wording ideas and our funeral program template.

Frequently asked questions

Who usually gives the eulogy?

Often a close family member or friend. Sometimes several people share it, each speaking briefly. In some traditions, the minister delivers the eulogy.

Can more than one person give a eulogy?

Yes. Coordinate beforehand so each speaker covers different themes, and keep each contribution shorter.

Is it okay to read the eulogy rather than speak from memory?

Absolutely. Almost everyone reads. Print it clearly and look up when you can.

What if I break down and can't finish?

Pause, breathe, and continue when you can. If you can't, hand it to your back-up reader. Everyone in the room will understand.

Should I mention the cause of death?

Only if the family wants it mentioned. Usually it isn't necessary.

When you're ready

Write the first draft quickly, without judging it. Then shape it, read it aloud, and trim. A eulogy that's honest and specific will be remembered long after the details of the service have faded. If it helps, our obituary writer can produce a factual summary of the life that you can use as a starting point for the "brief sketch" section.