How to Write an Obituary for Your Mother or Father

Writing your mother's or father's obituary is one of the hardest pieces of writing many people ever do. It comes at the worst possible time, it has a deadline, and it feels as though it has to capture a whole life in a few hundred words – while the whole family reads over your shoulder. If you are sitting in front of a blank page, please know that it does not need to be perfect. It needs to be accurate, it needs to sound like them, and it needs to be finished in time.

This guide is written specifically for adult children writing about a parent. It walks through what to gather, how to structure the obituary, how to handle the parts that are hard to word – blended families, estrangements, cause of death – and it ends with two complete examples, one for a mother and one for a father, that you can use as models.

Before you write: what an obituary is for

An obituary does several jobs at once:

• It announces the death to the wider community – friends, former colleagues, neighbours, old classmates
• It gives the service details, so people know where and when to pay their respects
• It records the life, in a form that families keep for generations
• It names the family, both those who survive and those who died before

Keeping those four jobs in mind helps you decide what to include. Everything in a good obituary serves one of them.

There is also a practical distinction worth knowing. A death notice is a short, paid announcement with the essential facts and service details. An obituary is a longer piece about the life. Many newspapers charge by length for both, while funeral home websites usually publish obituaries of any length. You might write one longer version for the funeral home website and the funeral program, and a shorter version for the newspaper. Our article on short obituary examples and newspaper submissions covers the short version in detail.

Step 1: Gather the facts

Collect these before you start writing. Ask a sibling, your surviving parent, an aunt or uncle to check them.

• Full name, including middle name, maiden name and any nickname
• Age, and city or town of residence
• Date and place of death
• Date and place of birth, and parents' names
• Education and military service
• Marriage(s): spouse's name, date and place of marriage
• Career, employers, notable roles
• Faith community, clubs, volunteer work
• Hobbies, passions, things they were known for
• Survivors: spouse, children (and their spouses), grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, and other close relatives
• Those who predeceased them: spouse, children, siblings, parents
• Service details: visitation, funeral or memorial, interment, reception
• Memorial donation preference

Step 2: Choose a tone

Obituaries today range from very traditional to warm and funny. Choose the tone your parent would have chosen, not the one you think is expected. Broadly:

• Traditional: formal, factual, respectful. Suits a private or reserved parent, or a community where this is the norm.
• Warm: personal and affectionate, with a few specific details and stories.
• Faith-centered: frames the life in terms of faith, using phrases such as "went home to be with the Lord."
• Celebratory or light-hearted: for a parent who loved to laugh – full of personality and anecdotes.

Our obituary writer produces a first draft in each of these four tones from your answers, which can be a helpful starting point when you are staring at the page.

Step 3: Use a simple structure

Most obituaries follow the same order. Following it makes writing easier, because each paragraph has one job.

1. The announcement: name, age, residence, date of death, and optionally how or where they died
2. Early life: birth, parents, where they grew up
3. Education, work and service
4. Marriage and family life
5. Character, passions and community
6. Survivors and those who predeceased them
7. Service details
8. Donations and thanks

The announcement

Keep it to one or two sentences. Examples:

• "Margaret Anne Collins, 84, of Springfield, passed away peacefully on November 3, 2026, surrounded by her family."
• "Robert James Hale, 79, of Dayton, died on October 28, 2026, after a long illness borne with characteristic good humor."
• "Our mother, Rosa Elena Martinez, went home to be with the Lord on November 5, 2026, at the age of 91."
• "Dad – better known to most of Eastside as 'Coach Bill' – died on Sunday at home, with the game on and his family around him."

Early life

• "She was born on March 12, 1942, in Columbus, Ohio, to Walter and Helen Brandt, the second of four children."
• "Bob grew up on a dairy farm outside Xenia, where he learned to rise before dawn and never quite lost the habit."

Education, work and service

Be concrete. Rather than "she worked hard," write what she did:

• "After graduating from St. Mary's High School, she trained as a nurse and spent thirty-one years at Miami Valley Hospital, most of them on the night shift in the pediatric ward."
• "He served in the U.S. Army from 1965 to 1968, then joined the family hardware business, which he ran for four decades."

Marriage and family life

• "In 1964 she married John Collins at St. Brigid's Church. They were married for fifty-eight years until John's death in 2022."
• "He met the love of his life, Donna, at a church dance in 1969, and asked her to marry him three weeks later. She said yes after four."

Character, passions and community

This is the paragraph that makes the obituary sound like your parent. Pick two or three specific details instead of a long list of adjectives.

• "Her kitchen was the center of the neighborhood. No child left without a cookie, and no adult left without advice."
• "He could identify any bird by its song, fix any lawnmower, and tell the same joke at every family gathering for forty years."
• "She volunteered at the food pantry every Thursday for twenty years and never once mentioned it."

Survivors

List survivors in a conventional order: spouse first, then children (often with their spouses in brackets or after "and"), then grandchildren, great-grandchildren, siblings, and then others. For example:

• "She is survived by her children, Susan (Mark) Reynolds of Dayton and David (Lisa) Collins of Chicago; five grandchildren, Emily, Jack, Sarah, Ben and Lily; two great-grandchildren; her sister, Ruth Brandt; and many nieces and nephews."

Predeceased

• "She was preceded in death by her husband, John; her parents; and her brothers, Walter Jr. and Thomas."

Service details

• "Visitation will be held Thursday, November 12, from 4 to 7 p.m. at Riverside Funeral Home, 200 Main Street. A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated Friday at 10 a.m. at St. Brigid's Church, with burial to follow at Calvary Cemetery."

Donations and thanks

• "In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to Hospice of Dayton."
• "The family thanks the staff of Bethany Village for their compassionate care."

Handling the hard parts

Blended families and stepchildren

Families today often include stepchildren, half-siblings, former spouses and partners. There is no single rule; the best approach is the one that reflects how your parent lived. Common options:

• List stepchildren alongside biological children, without distinguishing them: "her children, Susan, David and Mark."
• Name them separately but warmly: "her children, Susan and David, and her stepson, Mark, whom she loved as her own."
• Mention a former spouse only if the relationship remained close, or if the family agrees: "and the father of her children, Richard Collins."
• Include long-term partners: "his partner of twenty years, Linda Moore."

If there is disagreement within the family, discuss it before publication. A short conversation now avoids lasting hurt.

Estrangement

If your parent was estranged from a child or sibling, you do not need to explain it. Many families simply list all children without comment. Others leave a name out. Both are understandable choices; the obituary is not the place to work through family history. If in doubt, list the name without detail. Omission is often noticed more than inclusion.

Cause of death

You do not have to include the cause of death. Some families do, especially when they want to raise awareness or explain a donation preference ("after a courageous battle with ALS; donations may be made to the ALS Association"). Others prefer privacy. Gentle phrasing options include "after a long illness," "after a brief illness," "unexpectedly," and "peacefully at home."

A difficult life

If your parent struggled – with addiction, mental illness, or a hard relationship with the family – you can still write an honest, kind obituary. Focus on the true and good things: what they loved, what they made, who they were at their best. Some families choose to speak openly about addiction or suicide to reduce stigma. That decision belongs to the immediate family.

Privacy and safety

Obituaries are public, and some details can be used by scammers or burglars. Consider leaving out:

• Exact birth date (the year is enough)
• Your parent's home street address
• Mother's maiden name, if it is used as a security question
• A note that the home will be empty during the service

Writing it together with your siblings

When several siblings share the task, a little structure prevents both duplicated effort and hurt feelings. One approach that works well: one person writes the draft, and each sibling contributes one specific memory or detail by a set time. The writer weaves those in, then shares a single version for comments. Agree in advance that the writer has the final say on wording, while anyone can correct a fact. If a sibling lives far away or is struggling to engage, ask them a single, easy question – "What's one thing about Mom you'd want people to know?" – rather than sending them the whole draft to rewrite. Their answer often becomes the best line in the obituary.

Step 4: Edit for length

An obituary for a funeral home website or funeral program can be any length, but most readers appreciate one that is focused. As a guide:

• Funeral program life story: roughly 250 to 450 words for one page of a booklet
• Funeral home website: whatever length feels right; 400 to 800 words is common
• Newspaper: often 150 to 300 words because of cost

To cut, remove lists of jobs and clubs, keep the two best stories, and shorten survivors to "and many grandchildren" if space is very tight.

Step 5: Proofread with someone else

Ask at least one other family member to read it, specifically checking:

• Spelling of every name, including spouses of children and grandchildren
• Dates and ages
• Order and completeness of the survivors list
• Service dates, times and addresses

Then read it aloud. Reading aloud catches missing words and clumsy phrasing.

Example: an obituary for a mother

Margaret Anne Collins

Margaret Anne "Peggy" Collins, 84, of Springfield, passed away peacefully on November 3, 2026, surrounded by her family.

Peggy was born on March 12, 1942, in Columbus, Ohio, to Walter and Helen Brandt, the second of four children. She graduated from St. Mary's High School and trained as a nurse, a calling she followed for thirty-one years at Miami Valley Hospital, most of them in the pediatric ward, where she was famous for her gentle hands and her pockets full of stickers.

In 1964 she married John Collins at St. Brigid's Church. Together they raised two children in a busy house on Elm Street, where the kitchen door was never locked and the cookie jar was never empty. After John's death in 2022, she moved to Bethany Village, where she promptly organized the Tuesday card club.

Peggy loved her garden, her crossword, her parish, and above all her grandchildren, whose every game, recital and graduation she attended, usually with a homemade sign. She volunteered at the St. Vincent de Paul food pantry for twenty years and never mentioned it.

She is survived by her children, Susan (Mark) Reynolds of Dayton and David (Lisa) Collins of Chicago; five grandchildren, Emily, Jack, Sarah, Ben and Lily; two great-grandchildren; her sister, Ruth Brandt; and many nieces and nephews. She was preceded in death by her husband, John; her parents; and her brothers, Walter Jr. and Thomas.

Visitation will be held Thursday, November 12, from 4 to 7 p.m. at Riverside Funeral Home. A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated Friday at 10 a.m. at St. Brigid's Church, with burial at Calvary Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the St. Vincent de Paul Society. The family thanks the staff of Bethany Village for their loving care.

Example: an obituary for a father

Robert James Hale

Robert James "Bob" Hale, 79, of Dayton, died on October 28, 2026, after a long illness borne with characteristic good humor.

Bob grew up on a dairy farm outside Xenia, where he learned to rise before dawn and never quite lost the habit. After serving in the U.S. Army from 1965 to 1968, he joined his father at Hale Hardware, which he ran for forty years. Generations of customers came in for a single screw and left with a solution, a story and, often, a free tool "to try out."

He met the love of his life, Donna, at a church dance in 1969, and asked her to marry him three weeks later. She said yes after four. Together they raised three children and an ever-changing number of rescue dogs.

Bob could identify any bird by its song, fix any lawnmower ever made, and tell the same joke at every family gathering for forty years, laughing harder each time. He coached Little League for two decades and never missed one of his grandchildren's games.

He is survived by his wife of fifty-six years, Donna; his children, Michael (Jen) Hale, Karen (Steve) Ortiz and Tom Hale; seven grandchildren; and his brother, Jim. He was preceded in death by his parents and his sister, Carol.

A celebration of Bob's life will be held Saturday, November 7, at 2 p.m. at First Methodist Church, followed by a reception in Fellowship Hall. Donations in his memory may be made to the Humane Society of Greater Dayton.

Common mistakes

• Writing a list of adjectives instead of details. "Kind, generous, loving" says less than one specific story.
• Forgetting a grandchild or misspelling a spouse's name. This is the most common source of hurt.
• Writing it alone. Let someone else check names and dates.
• Including details that put the family at risk – home address, exact birth date.
• Trying to fit everything. Pick the details that matter most.

Frequently asked questions

Who should write a parent's obituary?

Often one adult child writes it, with input from siblings and the surviving parent. Some families divide it up – one writes, another checks facts.

Should I write in the first person?

Most obituaries are written in the third person. Some families use "our mother" or "Mom" in a warm obituary, which is perfectly acceptable.

How long should an obituary for a parent be?

As long as it needs to be for the place it will appear. For a funeral program, aim for one page; for a newspaper, check the length and cost first.

Can I use the obituary in the funeral program?

Yes. Most families use the same text, trimmed to fit. See obituary examples for more models and our obituary template for a printable one-page version ($2.99).

Start writing

If you would like a starting point, our obituary writer asks a short series of questions and drafts an obituary in your chosen tone, which you can then edit freely and drop straight into a funeral program. It does not use paid AI; it builds the text from your answers, so every fact is yours.